Sally And I Go It Alone

In Jan’s words:

Sally and I have been friends for many years as well as business partners.  We are both single, so naturally we hang out together as well as go out individually.

Lisa feels we are a ‘tour de force’ and this acts like a repellent to men. Being given this task has made me look in-depth at who am I being whether I am out with a friend/s or out on my own. Am I approachable, what does my body language and energy reflect about me?

I regard myself as confident, open, friendly, approachable and in given situations I can be a little shy. However my external world has given me enough information that what I have been doing and how I have been being in the past does not work so it’s time to try another way.

Sally and I tried and tested Mathew Hussey’s tips  (‘Get the Guy’) and they certainly worked. So when we have been together we have continued to use them and the difference is noticeable. We had many interactions with men that we normally would not have. Now we always sit side by side looking out creating an air of approachability rather than across from each other intensely talking. It’s so simple! When you think about it, how daunting it must be for any man to approach two or several woman engrossed in conversation. So I believe we have cracked that one.

I did complete the task of going out four times without Sally.  The value and what made the difference was actually transforming who I am “being” when I do go out. Taking risks, really being approachable, not hiding behind a book, starting conversations rather than waiting to be spoken to, not missing the opportunity to have a little friendly flirt and definitely using ‘The Look’. I do not always feel comfortable but it is getting easier and I have become more man aware.

At the end of the day it’s about choice; stay waiting and get more of the same or step out, be a creator, seize the moment and make it happen!

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The New Tasks: In Praise Of Men And How Not To Choose A Bad’un:

As we are all running around completing tasks and Lisa is up to her eyeballs in an edit, one of the easiest and most pleasant tasks that she asked Jan and I to do is to have two weeks of positive vibrations towards the men on our planet. We shall call it, In Praise of Men and added to that, Jan has given me the assignment to do a photo shoot of men and to introduce myself to different men and photograph them. A very nice project indeed! In fact I started on Saturday and have three shots already and the card of one guy who had a conversation with me about the shoot.

I requested that Jan go out to the Almeida Theatre in Islington. It is a lovely small theatre with a great bar to hang out before the show and to come away with at least one conversation with a man.

My task for Lisa came out of reading an article by Matthew Hussey, Get the Man seminar, when he addresses how women fall for the wrong men and repeatedly do so. Lisa had said something like this to me recently and so I gave her the first  task he suggests in breaking this pattern. It is to write down DEAL BREAKERS. In other words you set aside some time to really think what it is that would be a firm boundary for yourself before you meet the men.  Here’s what Matthew says:

“When was the last time you seriously found a guy that blew you away? I mean REALLY made you feel incredible? A long time I bet…possibly never. It’s a rare thing for women these days, which is why you need to start creating more opportunities in your life so that the kind of guy you are looking for comes out of nowhere. You see, women that attract the wrong type of men, are doing something very wrong – so wrong in fact, they keep falling into the same traps and getting attention from the wrong types of guys.Whether it’s a player, married guy or even very younger guys -there is a reason this keeps happening, it’s no accident and something needs to change… fast!

It’s no wonder that I keep getting emails from women with the belief: “I just never attract the ‘right’ kind of men…” or “I only attract jerks/bad boys”.

Today, let’s take a look at the exact reason why you’re finding the wrong men and what we can do to sort that problem out quickly.

There are three strategies you can adopt today to create an immediate impact on this area of your life. So let’s begin…

Decide on your deal breakers now!

Women who attract bad men usually do so because they don’t decide early on what kind of behaviour they are unwilling to put up with. And as a result, the guys who are creeps realize quickly that you don’t have any firm boundaries set, so guess what happens? They trample all over them!

So as an exercise, I want you to write down your DEAL BREAKERS. By this I mean the things you simply won’t stand for. Because if there is one key to ridding yourself of crap men it’s this: HAVE HIGHER STANDARDS for yourself!

Are you ready for the right man?

It’s no good complaining about the useless men in your life if you yourself aren’t doing anything pro-active to prepare yourself for when the right man comes along.

For example, if you want a guy who takes care of himself and hisbody, ask yourself: Am I holding myself to this standard?

This isn’t superficial, it’s understanding that if you want attract men with certain attributes into your life, it’s going to be likely that they expect the same thing from you.

What source are you drawing your men from?

There’s a simple way to screen out the guys who are right for you from those you’re not interested in and it’s this: Use good lead sources!

What does that mean? – Basically, don’t look for guys in the wrong places. If you’re sick of attracting players who just want a one-night stand, you’re probably going to have to get more creative than hanging out in nightclubs all the time! While they might be fun for a night out to blow off some steam, if you use clubs as your only lead source to find men, you’re going to have trouble if you’re looking for something long-term.

What do you think? If you follow the advice above, you will see a difference in men you attract, I’ve seen this time and time again with the women I teach, so it’s proven and tested to work.”

Jan’s task for Lisa complemented my task in that it was also about boundaries. What with the time Lisa has to be at the edit and the family and phone, there is not much room for a man. So this task was designed to create space for the incoming man. Lisa has to have a conversation with her boss to really state that her late hours leave no possibility for wellbeing for herself or her family. It is time to look after herself and if the deadlines need to go into another financial year ( the reason for the crazy deadlines) then they just need to, because nobody can function with this level of stress. Given that several tasks have been aimed toward a clear positive space for Lisa to thrive with a new relationship, this task will back up the previous enquiries into boundaries.

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Wandering In Soho And The Men’s Department In Liberty’s:

Having been assigned several tasks from three different sources; Jan, Lisa and the Flirt Diva, I have been running around London attempting to fulfil all my tasks. The idea is to put myself into new situations on my own or at the very least, without Jan. She and I have already cracked the new way of being while being out together as mentioned in the previous post on the PJ Harvey gig. So now that we are looking out into the world and sitting side by side rather than having intense conversations facing each other, I have definitely noticed a difference with men.

But now it’s time to get out there on my own and see how I can transform solitude into availability. My first journey was to sit in a pub in Primrose Hill while waiting for Lisa. I found it pretty easy and felt that I am much more at home doing this sort of thing since my initiation by fire in Munich eight years ago.  I had flown out to visit a dear friend and we had arranged to meet in a German beer house at 7:00 pm on a Friday night. It was the time I would never consider going into to a pub on my own for very long and I was reassured that it would only be a matter of minutes before she arrived. I ordered a drink and waited. One hour later I was getting a little concerned. I was sitting a large table for eight and by that time a group of four arrived and ordered drinks. I felt decidedly single and noticed that there were two men who regularly looked at me but I avoided all eye contact. The German group of four were joined by another two and they asked me if I would mind. Of course I didn’t but I was at this point sitting with a group of six people and squashed over into the wall. I made light of it while listening to their conversation and being a polite English woman but I was getting quite uptight. After another hour I decided to order some food. I ate alone amongst six other people. Every time I raised my eyes the same two guys looked at me and gradually I became accustomed to their gaze and looked back. The party of six left and I was again on my own. I did not have a mobile phone with me and only had the agreement to meet my friend and no way of knowing what else to do so I had to sit it out.

By the time I had drunk myself into oblivion around four hours later I realised that the two guys were installed for the evening. They were long haul customers. They didn’t really smile but there was an implicit understanding that we were part of the furniture and we held more of the gaze. Several other people came and sat at my table of eight and I just carried on. It wasn’t until midnight that my friend turned up. There had been some kind of emergency and she couldn’t let me know so she had to assume I would wait. My god it was an internal journey. I felt I had conquered Everest. Nothing has been as hard as that evening but I also learned a lot about being on my own. I had certain limitations and they were all based on the time of day and whether I could be perceived to be intentionally waiting to be picked up by men. So lunch was fine as long as I had a book but a heaving bar after dark was not ok. I have gradually pushed my own boundaries to gain courage while travelling. In Mumbai I had flown out to travel on my own for three weeks as a soul searching trip. Mumbai has some of the best bars and amazing restaurants on the planet so I had researched well and made a point of going to several of them. I always met men on these occasions. They were often business men travelling for work and they were happy to have a conversation with an English person. But there was definitely a sexual element to being in a bar on my own and one of these guys pretty much invited me to his hotel room for the night. Remarkably on the third day of travelling on my own I bumped into a yoga friend and she and her friend then realised that we had the same itinerary in India but they were one day later than me, so I would fly down to Goa and have one night on my own before they arrived. My journey for spiritual soul searching ended up being a fantastic party for three weeks most of which was spent with other people.

Back to my quest in London. One of my tasks was to wander through the men’s department at Liberty’s and look at the clothes and make contact with the men there. Besides the screaming queen sales team which I didn’t do sexy eye contact with, I did manage a few smiles here and there with customers. The thing that most stood out for me was that I loved the clothes. I could imagine buying these gorgeous outfits with a lover and the kind of lover he would be. The clothes in Liberty’s are very hip and sophisticated. They hit both the casual and the dressy elements and I found myself becoming a little sad. I wondered what that was about and then it hit me that the rather dull men that I have been seeing on the dating site who have been selected for me, look either really conventional or really dull. I felt that the clothes of the man I am attracted to are those of an un-conventional man who is more of the artist and most definitely is youthful. The guys I am seeing on eharmony seem so old even in the late 30’s and early 40’s. This is not to say behind the obvious appearances and if they were standing before me, they may have a charm that cannot be translated to a static photo. However, I am looking hard behind appearances and into what they say and it’s still the same old, same old.

I have now been in several bars and coffee cafe’s in Soho and I will continue to wander around as I think the creative types are definitely in this area of London. Many good looking and interesting men are frequenting these places and I am clear it may be the area to strike up a conversation with them and not go via a dating site. Something about dating sites leaves me cold. And yesterday as if to solidify my feelings about meeting people on location I went out for a day to Broadway Market in Hackney and by the end of the day and many wonderful conversations with men, I had a guy’s card in my pocket. He made it clear that he want’s me to call him and that’s exactly what I will be doing … in a few days just to keep the mystery going.

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Jan’s Erotic Adventure In Coco der Mer:

Jan Ignites Her Passion

I generally go to Coco de Mer about once a year. It is the best shop for fantastic, state of the art vibrators, dildos, sex aids and other cool stuff. It is a tasteful boutique.

So having been given the task by Sally to visit Coco’s I welcomed the opportunity for another visit. However, I did not welcome the fact that the whole world will now know about my lack of libido! I mean how good does that look? Hello Mr Delicious my libido’s on the floor and I have no sex drive, do you want to take me out? It sucks!

I feel it is a private thing but I have been given the task and it requires me to reveal and be open about my sexuality and sexual preferences or at least some of them. Having done ‘the reveal’ shoot in my underwear, bring it on.

I am quite happy to talk to an assistant (but not the whole world) about my lack of libido and the possibility of purchasing something to give my libido, a ‘Pick Me Up’. A juicy man would help but they don’t sell them at Coco’s so maybe a sex toy will do it? I already have an excellent Coco vibrator so it needed to be something other than that.

Unlike Sally, who regularly downloads porn, I don’t. ( note from Sally: “thank you Jan for that information … I use my Virgin TV downloads and am usually disappointed in the soft porn, often with ugly Neanderthal men who in fact turn me off … but for the sake of keeping myself sexually active …”) In fact, I have been scarred for life by the “Filthy and Fifty” porn movie that Sally got me to watch (the woman looked 80, no teeth and wore pop socks stretched across a white saggy body). (Note from Sally: years ago, in an effort to ignite the passion in Jan I showed her and a group of friends how to download Virgin TV’s adult channel. As Jan was at that point over 50, I thought it might be a good title to start with “Fifty and Filthy”. It has to be said that I personally have never seen anything like this film. It was SHOCKING! A very elderly woman nowhere near age 50, more like 80, gave a banana a blow-job and while the rest of us at the party laughed uproariously, Jan had a nervous breakdown. I tried to tell her that this was unusual but it made her feel terrible and that was the last attempt I had at introductions to soft porn!)

I have the found the porn I’ve watched in the past a turn off, appalling dialogue; you know, ‘hello big boy let me suck your cock’, really does not rock my boat. Then there’s the trashy fashion and set designs. In short, aesthetically unpleasing. I get turned on more by a well filmed love scene in a film. So the mission for me is to discover a porn movie that turns me on.

So I perkily pop off to Coco’s.

As I entered Coco’s I was met by a beautiful array of lingerie. This could prove to be an expensive trip as I immediately spotted a fabulous bra.

Back to the task in hand…my libido. I go up to the assistant and explained I need something to turn me on other than a vibrator and my libido’s flagging. We discuss porn movies and both agree there is not much out there that is tasteful. She suggested that I try some erotic literature. Cool! I love reading and I have not explored that area since sharing erotic books with the girls on the school bus.

I chose a couple of books ‘Delta of Venus’ and ’Secrets of a Supersexpert’ and let myself be guided by the assistant who gave them the thumbs up. I did see the erotic version of Pride & Predjudice and nearly purchased that for my mum as a joke. That would fall in the ‘dirty, filthy’ arena with my mum but it would be amusing.

I had been looking forward to be able to take some shots of vibrators, dildos for you all to see but unfortunately it was against Coco’s policy to allow pictures of their products. So for those of you that are interested Coco’s is in Monmouth Street, Covent Garden. They did allow pictures of the statues.

On leaving  I noticed some leaflets and discovered they also run workshops on themes such as ‘Mistress Absolute’ beginners guide to spanking, ‘Tantra’,’ Tricks to Thrill Men & Woman Part 1 and 2’, ‘Japanese Rope Bondage’ ‘Female Ejaculation & the G Spot’ mme hot stuff… watch out girlfriends I feel a task for you both coming on.

Mission accomplished I arrive home and  it’s off to bed for an early night with a cup of cocoa (maybe I should make that champagne), a good book and who knows what passions will be ignited…

Erotically yours xxx

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Jan “Works A Feather Boa”

Jan Works That Feather Boa

The boudoir hairstyle that Jan had for her boudoir shoot

“Last night Sally and I went to the P J Harvey Gig. Having been given the task of going out separately to break our ‘Tour de Force’ persona I thought this may be the last time we would party for a while. So I was ‘up for it’ as they say.

We started off at a great little restaurant that was very French and had a jazz band playing. We both had attended the Matthew Hussey ‘Get the Guy’ seminar and as he suggested we sat side by side looking outwards which gives an air of approachability. We were both unknowingly using ‘The Look’ technique on the cute piano player and surprise, surprise he just could not resist coming over to say hello.

It was definitely a party night so the party continued at PJ’s gig.

We met two cool men Ed and Dave and went back to the bar at their hotel for champagne after the gig. It was so refreshing to meet fun, witty, open, friendly men. ( A big hello to you both it was a pleasure to hang out with you; I hope we meet up again and wasn’t PJ amazing?)

Finally fell into bed about 2am so when I dragged myself out of bed the next day I felt wasted and hung over having had a lot of fun. Hung over was not how I wanted to feel on the day of ‘The Reveal’.

I had planned to have a long soak in the bath, do my hair, nails – the works. You know all those girly things you do for a big night out or date and I did have a hot date with a camera lens so wanted to look my best. I barely managed to wash my hair and grab a latte before I hauled myself off to, not the most exciting place in the world, Whetstone.

I arrived at Cameo and my heart sank when I looked at the place. It looked uninspiring and a bit seedy. I knocked on the door hoping that when I stepped inside the premises it would sunddenly transform. Fortunately it did improve. I was taken to a very nice waiting room and offered a complimentary glass of champagne. A bit early but ‘hair of the dog’ is just what I need.  Kill or cure!

All the woman were friendly, warm and really made me feel relaxed although I felt so wasted at that point I didn’t care I just wanted to survive the day. A young woman with her mother entered the room. It was the young woman’s birthday and her mum had booked a surprise shoot for her 21st. They had driven up from Bournemouth that morning. I asked the mother if they had both just had pictures taken. Her mum screwed up her face and shook her head.  Intuitively, I felt it was more like her mum living out some fantasy through her young daughter and it would have been more liberating for the mum to have done the shoot herself.

I had gone for the makeover option and fortunately the make-up artist said she could do my hair as well for another £20.  Fab!  If nothing else she would be able to hide the night before and hopefully create some glamour. For the next hour she started to transform me whilst I vacantly listened to Gill Scot playing in the background.

It was time for the shoot and time to get almost naked. I was led into the room by a woman clad in black from the top of her head to her toes with chains and layers of jewellery. She looked like some kind of Leather Vixen. There was a high table covered in black  cloth and that was it. Me, the table, the Vixen, the camara and soft lighting.

Just in case you are wondering I did not go on a crash diet; don’t have one in me. I did wish that I had not eaten that late night cream cheese bagel and had one glass too many. There was no way I could suck in my bloated belly with the way I was feeling; it was all going to have to hang out.

It really was not as bad as I expected. Once you get your kit off and reveal all you just get on with it.  The photographer was friendly, very reassuring and very directive. She made it easy. There were also formulaic poses that are designed to make all women look good despite the lumps and bumps. Thank the Goddess!

It went like this… push out those breasts, pop out that bum, arch your back, and look down. I didn’t have to think about looking seductive, sexy and fabulous. The poses and lighting took care of it all – at least I hope they did.  She said it would be a work out. It was!

I did feel exposed and vulnerable at times particularly with the ‘up against the wall’ shot. I did briefly think it’s a bit too late to say ‘does my bum look big in this’ as I draped the feather boa across my almost naked backside. When the photographer shouted out “work that boa” I kept wondering just how do you work a feather boa.  I think if I had not been so hung over and vacant I would have collapsed on the floor laughing with the many images that then flowed through my mind after that remark.

The shoot is over. I jump into my car and drive down to my brothers to pick up my computer that he has repaired. I arrive with full make-up and curly hair. He looks at me and says “smoldering”.  I’ll take that as a compliment.

You don’t get to see the shots for 4 weeks. I have no idea on how they have come out. If I look smoldering and sexy I’ll be happy.

Now it’s a trip to Coco de Mer to explore the ‘erotic me’ and ignite my passions…”

Jan doing one of the smouldering looks when she came back to Sally’s flat (we don’t get to see the results of the shoot for four weeks but you do get the picture …)

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Sally’s Second Date … Not

After three weeks of communicating with N and I have to say it wasn’t easy, on the night that we were finally supposed to meet up, I received a text: “Hi Sally, I hope you’ve had a good week, unfortunately I’ve got an ongoing situation to deal with now between my son and my ex wife, so I’ve decided it’s only right and fair to you to knock dating things on the head for a few weeks until everything settles. That’s a pity as I was really looking forward to finally meeting, you. Have a nice weekend. Weather’s looking good :)”. I wasn’t surprised, nor was I disappointed. The run up to the meeting was slow and N continuously didn’t keep his word about when he would get back to me.

The first conversation I had with him (and I’ve only had two, the rest were texts) was all about how he went on a Tony Robbins’ workshop and it transformed his life. He told me, conspiratorially, that he didn’t speak about this kind of thing to anyone, meaning I was his confidente. But he also announced that he didn’t click with many people and that was a sign.  Even in the writing of who he was in his profile the thing he said he was most passionate about “was meeting his partner”. That’s not skiing, not nature, not fast cars but meeting his woman. And the “passion” translated into the effort he made to do anything to cause the meeting, was nil.

Since becoming a wise woman on the dating path and not crushed in the way I used to be, I see these signs very early on. I wish it wasn’t so because I am a true romantic at heart. I also am pretty straight and so I wouldn’t lead someone up the garden path nor waste their time, if I didn’t intend to honour them. But the online dating scene is riddled with this behaviour. Men ask for a lot of information and so you write novels telling them of your dreams, your life and like the first date S “what would be your perfect weekend?” It is time consuming to say the least and sometimes soul destroying.

I had already been ready to go out on my other assignment that Jan had given me; going to the National Portrait Gallery to see the Hoppe photo exhibition on a late night viewing but as I had thought I had a date and now Jan and I are to spend time apart from each other, I had said she should go that night. But on the other hand, now that we have employed techniques for attracting men to us while together, we decided to go into town together. I accompanied her to Coco De Mer, the truly fabulous erotic boudoir for women and I filmed her getting a little something in there. We wandered through the delicious knickers and bras and scintillating accoutrements of desire and I had a litte fantasy of what I would finally do when beyond the dating scene, I actually am with a man in bed again. It does seem ages. I don’t mean having sex either, I mean being on the same level in bed with a lover who really turns me on. Maybe I mean a tantric partner because I remember when my good friend Alaura announced to me at the age of 45, T is not just sex, he’s the lover I’ve been looking for all my life. They feel they are life partners not just bed partners. I want this.

So after Coco De Mer, Jan and I went into a bar and on the way down the street a group of three men started interacting with us and they were really nice. One of them said he was out for his birthday and then another asked me if I’d give the birthday boy a kiss and I did. Then Jan did. Then the other one said he was a twin so we kissed him too. Something has definitely shifted and both Jan and I notice it. We look at men now and they certainly look back. Gone are the days when we walked down the street engrossed in conversation, we now multitask the conversation and looking out into the world – and it works!

We went to the Hoppe photo exhibition together but viewed it alone. Once, I bumped into her but we smiled and pretended we didn’t know each other. Oh the friend’s you might have with you if they don’t acknowledge you. We could have a party of separate people all out together. This could be the new dating phenomenon!

I have now booked my long weekend away in Dublin – homework for the Date Diva. I’m staying in a really gorgeous hotel, the Dylan and am going to wander the streets with my camera, photographing and smiling at people. It’s at the end of March when Spring should be in full bloom and the mystery of the birds and the bees are in action.

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Jan’s Task Number 3: A Night In A Pub With No Props & Speaking To 3 Men

In Jan’s words:

“It’s now thursday and I am getting ready for task number three, sitting in the pub with no props for one and a half hours and approaching three men to strike up a conversation. This is something I would not do especially without a book to hide behind and then OMG go up to three men; no way am I comfortable with that.

However no worries (like hell!) I listened to Matthew Hussey when I attended his 3 hour “Get the Guy” seminar last week. Yep I have the tools. I’ve been shown how to do “The Look”, I have the secret weapon only to be used wisely and with love, then there’s the golden insight “ask the man if he can help me, appealing to his hunter/gatherer programming and lastly don’t forget the compelling conversation.

mme… I don’t think I’ve practised “The Look” enough in the mirror and how am I going to make 2 drinks last one and a half hours as well as looking cute, open and relaxed. Argh, I can do this.

Off I go then. I’m all Fifi’d up, have my killer boots on and killer bag of tools.

Damn, I arrived three quarter of an hour too early. No shops open for a bit of retail therapy. Now the drinks will have to last two hours. Must not get drunk repeat only have 2 drinks, must not get drunk.

As I have been instructed I found the perfect table to sit in full view of everyone, no way I can hide and pretend to be a wallflower unless I conjure up the powers of invisibility within the next 2 seconds. I effectively flick my eyes around the room; couple at the back; man sitting at the bar and man in front of me at another table.

I order a Sancerre, massive glass of water with a bowl of olives that kept me going for an hour.  Time to eat, another massive glass of water and thankfully another Sancerre. I made 2 hours, food and wine, fabulous and I even enjoyed my beingness but it’s time to go and alas no conversations.

I had 2 choices at this point:

1. pay, sneak out and only accomplish half my task. That falls in the realms of ordinary and predictable

OR

2. be extraordinary, have a breakthrough and go up to the now three guys at the bar and strike up a conversation.

Did I? Yes I did. I bravely fired up my female balls, approached not one but all three guys and said “excuse me could you all do me a massive favour, I really need your help (Matthew Hussey would have been proud) and there it began. One and a half hours later, after having a wonderful and obviously compelling conversation with three gorgeous men, I left and drove home with a big fat smile on my face feeling empowered and excited with my new sense of freedom.

So to those three gorgeous men, if you do check out the blog, thankyou. I really had a great time with you!

In truth the fear of doing something is always greater than the action itself. Never again will I be intimidated by spending an evening going solo in a pub!”

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Sally’s Interaction With The Flirt Diva And Meeting Men At A PJ Harvey Gig:

Last Friday night I went out with Sue Ostler known as The Flirt Diva. I had a lot of preconceived ideas about what this evening might turn out to be but it was nothing like I expected. My expectation was that I would be intensely scrutinised by Sue,  to see if I could flirt with strangers. As I feel I flirt easily with men I am attracted to and also am easy with meeting new people I wondered how exaggerated I would have to be in my flirting with total strangers. My vulnerability was up and I have to admit I was a little nervous about going out with Sue. When I arrived at a heaving Friday night bar that was the kind of place I never go,  as it is loud and full of women in gold sequinned mini dresses and men from offices who get drunk and then get laid, I thought GET ME OUT OF HERE! I imagined that I would be sent out on ‘flirt alert’ in this bar with guys who really are not my cup of tea. But then Sue arrived and let me know that this was not where we would have done our flirt session but rather it had some quiet bars downstairs where we could have a chat to start the evening. That night there was a power cut so we couldn’t be in the downstairs bars so we headed off to find another bar.

There had also been a misunderstanding about the four other participants in the flirt session and they had double booked, so it mean’t that I was the only one taking part that night. Sue and I found a great bar with lots of atmosphere and was quiet and we sat down to talk about my situation. I immediately liked Sue. She is one of those wise individuals who had been hurt badly once and then decided to resurrect herself as a powerful single woman. While doing this and writing about being single she also met the man of her dreams. She has insights about what single women need to really have fun being single and what each individual needs to adjust their behaviour to make the most of opportunities to meet a partner.

She wanted to hear about my life and what I thought was going on with meeting men. The first thing she asked about was my social life. I told her that I have a very active social life and am in fact the hub of a social scene. I have frequent dinners and parties and I meet new friends on a regular basis. Her question to me was do those friends reciprocate? And clearly they do not on the same level. I am the hostess of social events. They occasionally invite me to dinner. There’s nothing wrong with this arrangement but I am not meeting their other single friends. This is one thing she noted that having lived in Canada, I am very used to the level of Canadian socialising which perhaps due to the cold weather and the pioneering history, is based on  inviting neighbours and friends around for dinner and socials at your house. Londoners as we both noted, do not have people regularly around to their houses. She said as I am one of those hubs of social life I must reinvent myself and go into new areas on my own. Friends who are couples unless they have social events are not the best people to hang out with when you are looking for a man.

She asked me about the girlfriends I hang out with and if when I am out with them, do men approach? My answer was that with some of my female friends, regardless of whether they are in a relationship, men do come over to us and have conversations. Jan and I however, being both business partners and good friends, hardly ever have men enter our zone as we tend to focus inwards and often have intense conversations between ourselves. She said I had to cut loose from Jan for the time being and go out alone.

Sue then commented that I had very good eye contact and was easy in myself so when we went up to the roof terrace she asked me to “do something” to show her where I’m at in situations like this. There was a man on the other side of the room on a couch on his own. I went over and asked if we could sit there and he said that he was waiting for 15 friends for a birthday party but yes we could sit down. He then entered into conversation with us naturally. It was during that time that I noticed he was seriously gorgeous. When she went to the ladies he asked me what I was doing there. I told him I was meeting Sue for the first time as I am writing a screen play and she is part of my research. He suggested that we have several dating “gurus” in the film. The conversation flowed easily but then as his friends arrived and Sue then left, I wondered how to keep it going. It was obvious that he needed to go and say hello to the birthday boy who he had known since childhood so I then went to the ladies to linger a little longer. But as I came out of the toilet I realised that he was now in a group of good friends and I didn’t really have any reason to get back in his group. So I decided to leave and as I did, he turned out of his group and really acknowledged me and said goodbye. It was a good feeling. And I noted that if this was just one evening where I made an effort to join someone else then it could be that easy to meet the man of my dreams.

Sue has given me an action plan based on our conversation. She asked me to choose a weekend break that I could go on myself and just make a point of being open and friendly with strangers. I have decided to go to Dublin for a three night stay because I love the Irish warmth as well as the city. I will be doing the things I love, such as taking a trip to some of the sacred sites north of the city as well as going to music evenings and out to pubs all by myself. This feels exciting to me. I have often held back on going somewhere because I feel I ought to go with someone but this gives me free rein to do whatever I want to do.

She also suggested going out to Soho bars and restaurants with a lap top or a camera. The prop allows men to interact because of their love of gagets. I know that when I was working as a professional photographer, the number of men who stopped me to talk about my camera was noticeable. So this is an ideal prop for me and Sue has given me a list of places to go. This next three months is a reinvention time for me. I am going into places both physically and emotionally that I have not been before. Later in the year I am going to Bali for a yoga holiday and to take a month to travel and that is all on my own. Can’t wait!

Incidentally, Jan and I decided to break our habit of being focussed intensely on each other when we went out to the P J Harvey gig last night. Rather than sending out vibes that suggested a repellant had been sprayed around the two of us and no male may enter, we made a point of standing so that others could join us and also looked at men with open smiley faces. On the way to the gig we stopped off in a great bistro called The English Restaurant in Spittlefields and as it happened, it was the night in the week that they had live Jazz music. We sat beside each other not facing, and then shot seductive looks at the piano player. He got so affected with our onslaught of feminine charm that he actually came over to our table. We told him that we were on our way to another gig so don’t be disappointed that we were about to leave and he invited us to come back another occasion. Then in the gig itself, I made a point of being very aware of who was beside me and I ended up having a fantastic conversation with a really lovely man who is like me, a serious P J Harvey fan. We spoke a lot and when I moved to see the band better, he and his friend joined us and we continued the evening as a little group of fans. It was an amazing gig and I danced a lot and had fun with David Rock. I’m naming him because at the end of the gig we four then went back to their hotel bar and had champagne late in the night. It was like being with old friends. Edward and David are going to read this blog sometime so I have to acknowledge what fun they were. And they may think they were part of some weird experiment but rest assured, that was natural. So thanks boys!

Jan and I had the munchies after leaving them and went for a bagel in Brick Lane and spent a very late night talking about how when you change one thing in your behaviour, you get instant results. What is clear to me now is that it isn’t being with each other, it’s how we are when we get together and from now on that is being open to everyone around us.

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Footballll…A Final Word From Jan

I arrived, then there was a whole lot of dull, dull, dull and then I left.

Lisa wanted me to come up with 5 positives.

1. I look very cute in red and it was a very red red environment.

2. Fortunately not a big game.

3. The night sky.

4. Horses (preference not to have the cops on them).

5. The Exit.

I can say, absolutely no value in this task for me. I still wouldn’t take a footy man on.

Big tip for the guys – those outfits are unattractive and a real turn off.

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The New Tasks: Lisa Joining A Dating Site, Sally & Jan Go Out Alone, Jan Gets Erotic

The latest tasks are now up to date with the start of our blog and we are publishing them in real time and then commenting on them as they happen. Up until now we have always been catching up.

Sally’s task for Jan is to go to Coco De Mer, a boudoir style shop for women which sells all sorts of highly tasteful erotica, vibrators, books, videos and sensual pleasures. Jan’s latest task can involve any of these erotic options but the idea is that Jan find something that turns her on and buy it and use it. After a comment by Jan on her lack of libido, this task is designed to ignite the passions …. enough said!

Sally’s task for Lisa is to sign up to an online dating site of her choice and to spend time creating a profile. There is no rush to get out dating as that is something Lisa tends to do; rush! This is mean’t to be a slow and well thought out profile and it is a task of observing who drops into the in-box.

Lisa’s tasks for Jan and Sally are to go out four times each in the next two weeks, alone or more specifically not with each other. They can go out with other people but as Sally observed, no man tends to come over to the pair of them when we are together. This is largely because we are both friends and business partners and there is an intensity in our friendship that means we focus inwards. The energy of intense women speaking about business leaves no room for strangers to joins us. Not always true but it is worth noting.

Jan’s task for Sally is to go out to the National Portrait Gallery on a late night viewing. On Fridays the gallery opens late and there is music in the restaurant so a very nice thing to do to meet men. As another option Jan saved a two for one drink coupon so that if there is a tasty man around, Sally can invite him for a drink.

Jan’s task for Lisa is to go to one of our favourite restaurants, The Wright Brothers Oyster Bar but the new one in Soho. The other in Borough Market is such a wonderful place to stop in and have a drink and an oyster. None of us have gone to the newest branch so Jan is sending Lisa to have a drink on her own and to start a conversation with three men.

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